id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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