You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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