A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i believe in u and ur pee
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