there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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