my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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