You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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