just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
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