Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
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