Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
