Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
