just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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