come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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