I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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