just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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