Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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