Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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