Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
