Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
