quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
