he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I think im going to throw up on grandma
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Randomize
