dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
