I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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