On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
