i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
