I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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