just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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