Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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