Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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