Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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