we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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