NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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