We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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