I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
