Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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