booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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