so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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