Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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