Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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