Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
