Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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