He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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