Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
