No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
