ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I would fuck him just for his dog
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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