i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
