She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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