perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
