yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
