Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
