no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
