Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
