Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Randomize
