just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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