she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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