hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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