i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
