I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
