I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
