in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
