I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.