you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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