Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
