ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
