Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Randomize
