I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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