no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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