if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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