Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
