I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
wow bdsm is so cute
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
