My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
