your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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